I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize