I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize