I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
