Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
