Don't you send me to vm
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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