pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
