make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
