i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
