i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
