it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
