White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize