Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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