Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
