i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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