Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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