I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
