She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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