Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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