I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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