atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
