so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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