She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I am midnight drunk by noon
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
