i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
