Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
