that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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