ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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