a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
