I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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