it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
