I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize