i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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