I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
