I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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