I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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