I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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