i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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