I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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