you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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