Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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