it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
