I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
