Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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