Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
