I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
