Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
