You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
