I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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