I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
