would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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