my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
