Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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