It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
