I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
