u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize