At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize