It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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