listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
