It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
MIDGETS
????
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
