this beer tastes like vomit already
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
