there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
