he puts the penis in happiness.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize