I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
