I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
