I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Randomize
