a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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