I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
