Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
