6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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