No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
