and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
