Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
