good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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