And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
