i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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