I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
