I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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