First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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