my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
